As we all try to ‘return back to normal’, remember that ‘normal’ doesn’t necessarily mean the same as before and we should take what we have learnt over this past 18 months to make change to help us. Saying yes to every invitation, over-working, over-exercising, allowing others to dump problems on us are examples of things that blur our physical and emotional boundaries and compromise our wellbeing. Taking time to reassess our boundaries could help to ease us gently back and hopefully reduce any anxieties that we may be feeling. Here are a few tips to guide you to getting back into tune with your body, boost your confidence and get you feeling good:
Self Care
Remember to listen to your body. It will always tell you what it needs and rest is the body’s way of finding balance. Take time for you, your body and your mind. There are many things that have contributed to your body and mind being off balance such as a disturbed sleeping pattern, a change in diet and snacking, increased time indoors and also longer periods spent in front of a screen. It’s important to acknowledge these bad habits and help your body to recover from them. The things that helped us adapt to lockdown in the first place are still relevant to keep your mental health in check: find routines, stay connected and talk about how you feel, eat well, exercise and spent time outside in green spaces, get a good night’s sleep. If you spend a lot of time on screens, try using a calming eye pillow to help soothe sore eyes and optimise sleep. They can be placed over your eyelids as you rest at the end of your yoga class, across your forehead just before bed to aid sleep or transform into a cold eye mask by chilling in the fridge for headache relief. I have a small number available for £3 in a range of colours so let me know if you want one.
Recognise your yes and no
We have built-in mechanisms that intuitively tell us when boundaries have been crossed – think of it as your Boundary Barometer. Your body is always sending you signals as to whether something is a ‘yes’ or a ‘no and these can be felt physically if we take a moment to tune in. Think of something that is a definite ‘yes’ for you: it could be your name, where you live or what day of the week it is (although this past year, it’s been difficult to tell sometimes…). Feel where this ‘yes’ is in your body – does it feel like a warm glow? A tingling sensation in your shoulders? A softening of your stomach? The cues may be subtle but they’re there. Then, ask yourself something that is a definite ‘no’ and listen again. Does your ‘no’ feel like a tightening of your stomach? Do your shoulders tense? Does your breathing change? Listen closely, as these are the clues telling you when boundaries are about to be crossed. Take a moment to think of those things that make you feel good make a plan for it to happen. Having something to look forward to will help to brighten your mood and get you feeling yourself again.
Be kind to yourself
One of the benefits of the internet is being able to continue our yoga from the comfort of our own homes. The negative side of the internet is the extra opportunity it gives to scroll through social media and this can feed into our self-critical mindset. If scrolling, self-comparison and feeling the need to do more feels like you, it can be helpful to reflect on where your actions are coming from. Are you acting from fear and comparison or love and authenticity? Taking time to reflect can be transformative if you are honest with yourself and allow a more positive mindset.
It would be easy to feel like you’re the odd one out as everyone gears up for a packed social life again. However, our own situations and our own mental health are unique to us. It’s important we are kind to ourselves and don’t judge ourselves too harshly. Try not to compare yourself to others, as we all have to move through these situations as best as we can with our own coping mechanisms. Show yourself the same compassion and care you would to someone else. If you find yourself berating how you feel, think ‘How would I speak to a friend right now?’
Work Boundaries
If you’ve been working from home for the past year and a half, it is likely many boundaries have been crossed already. Replying to emails after dinner? Checking work notifications in the middle of the night? Ironically working more now than ever before? Whether you’re continuing to work from home or heading back into the office, it’s always helpful to review workplace boundaries. Communicate clearly, letting your team know you don’t reply to emails after 7pm (because who can really expect you to do that?), delegate where necessary (do you really have to take on everything you’re asked to do?), and remember the art of saying no. If your boss asks you to take on another load, listen to your internal boundary barometer. Are you reaching the point of burnout or do you feel open and able to take on the work? If you’re invited to meetings you don’t need to attend, explain how you could more productively use the time. Check in regularly to make sure you’re sticking to your boundaries and scheduling in regular breaks which can actually make you more productive in the long-run.
Declutter Your Wardrobe
They say ‘a clear space = a clear mind’ so maybe now is a great time to go through your wardrobe and get rid of any pieces that you no longer wear and have a general tidy. By going through your clothes, you will hopefully discover pieces you have forgotten about. I don’t know about you but I’ve been living in same outfits on rotation!
Personal Space
Making plans might seem exciting as we step out into the world again but make sure you’re not over-committing too soon. Boundaries aren’t just there for others but for ourselves too. It’s not just an over-scheduled work calendar that burns us out but a personal one too. Whilst it’s a truly valuable quality to be that friend everyone confides in, bearing the weight of everyone else’s problems can become incredibly draining, especially if you aren’t sharing the weight of your problems with them too. If you tend to find yourself caught up in the middle of gossip or you’re asked to keep everyone’s secrets, start to observe where your natural boundaries lie. Try starting conversations by talking about neutral topics that don’t involve your personal lives or ask their opinion on a social or cultural issue. It can also be helpful to actually ask your friends how you can support them, allowing them to take responsibility for their needs.
Remember that you don’t have to say ‘yes’ to every invitation; spending time alone is important in order to re-charge. Listen carefully to know when something is a ‘yes’ or a ‘no’.